12/22/07

Things Could be Better

Well things aren't great, but at least physically I'm doing better. Mentally, I'm still shot. I haven't made it through a full day of work yet, it still kills me to stand for that long. But today was longer than yesterday. Tomorrow I should be able to last a full shift. At least I hope so, I got bills to pay. As for emotionally......I lost it yesterday, crying over stupid shit and crap like that. I almost started that again today, but stopped myself. I just keep thinking that things are worse for some other people, I should be thankful for the things and people I do have and to stop mourning the ones I don't. It is hard this time.......but I resolve to make it through this as best as I can. It's almost Christmas....one of my favorite times of year....I will beat this, I will be cheery, I will enjoy this...if not for me, then for the sake of my family.

6 comments:

mama biscuit said...

To be honest, I can't think of a single thing to say.

Kind of ironic considering I of all people should know exactly what to say to you.

Hang in there, kid. Thinking of you!

eclectic said...

Whatever it is, hope it feels better sooner rather than later. And I hope you had a merry, or at least enjoyable, Christmas.

just a kat said...

Drifted over from Tysgirl - sending good thoughts and support your way. Sorry you are going thru this, hoping everything gets better for you.
Dont be afraid to ask for help or hugs.
kat

Trudi said...

Came over here again per Tysgirls instructions...

All I have to say are the holidays are hard! Everyone has this plastered smile on there face and I believe that most of them are having a good time.

I, however, do not! I look around and truly envy the fact that they have a spouse, they have children, their parents are both alive, they have siblings they can talk to, etc. I feel like a misfit in every ounce of my life. What in the world do I have to be happy for? Well somehow, someway I am getting there. There was no simple recipe. It was all about just approaching life as it happened to me. When I am sad, I do not shy from it. I will admit that it is harder around the family. They have this need to try to not make you feel bad, but in turn make you feel worse. The only thing I have to recommend is helping others that are less fortunate. It sounds odd, but it is that one smile that will make you smile back not forced.

I wish I had better words to make you feel better. Time does pass and the pain lessens, but it never goes away. Grief never goes away. It stays with you. Sometimes the pain does not effect your life, but other times it cripples you. It is unfortunate, but it also lets you experience those great highs in life.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Kari said...

Also came from Tysgirl. I'm so sorry you're going through this. When you feel like sharing, it may help spread your burden around.

Please know we're here for you and will support you in anything!

JTEWhatever said...

Thank you everyone for your support. Things are getting a little easier everyday. I did leave work early again today, but I was throwing freight and that was a bit much, physically. We are doing better and the holidays went well considering everything. Except my husband and the bosses at work, no one knows whats going on. My mother believes it is just my bronchitis...my in-laws are under the impression that it is my back and headaches. I will not be correcting them any year soon. :) Things are better that way.

Thank you again for everything. I'll survive this, and in a few years I'll probably break down from the stress, but we have plenty of time to prepare for that.